Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry! If you’re reading this, that means you’re going through a break up and that sucks. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Of course there are other fish in the sea and he’s a moron for not realizing how special you are. But, it’s OK to simply dwell on the overall crappiness of your current situation. I’ve been there, I feel you and I don’t envy you. I can help you, though! Here are five things you need to do if your boyfriend broke up with you.
Stop calling him your boyfriend
Words are powerful and you can control what words you use when you speak and think. And one word you need to get out of your lexicon is “boyfriend.” The second he broke up with you, he’s no longer your boyfriend. So, stop calling him that. It gives him too much power. You can just use his name or call him “my ex” or even “that schmuck” works! Calling him your “boyfriend” keeps you in the past and you need to be moving forward through this break up.
Here’s the hardest step of all. You need to accept that the break up happened, it’s real and, wait for it, that it’s what was supposed to happen. This break up, as much as it hurts, is the right thing. I know! That’s awful to hear. But, I’m a deeply spiritual person and I fully believe that what’s happening is meant to be. So, you’re going through this break up because it was meant to be. The growth and lessons you’ll learn from this trying period will serve you in the future. And you need to be single now to be ready for whatever comes your way. Once you accept that this is what’s meant to be, you’ll be open for your next step.
Make time for yourself, lady! Now that you’re out of a relationship, you don’t have to take his needs into account. In fact, you don’t have to take anyone’s needs into account. Relish that. Do what you want when you want to do it. Redecorate your place, work out, meditate, watch every show you’ve been meaning to. Take time for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it!
Say what you need
Break ups are different for everyone and all of our needs post-break up are unique. So, your friends and family might not know how to help you during this emotional time. Don’t be afraid to tell them. Ask for help filling your time, if that’s what would feel good to you. Or ask to be left alone if solo time is what you need. Tell people how to make you feel better so they’re not left guessing or feeling useless. They’re on your team. Sometimes they just need a little help figuring out what the next move is.
Focus on small wins
Post-break up is a crappy time, I know it. But, it’s not 100% crappy. There are good things that will happen. You just need to acknowledge them to feel better. I’m not saying you need to throw a roses and rainbows party to celebrate a sunny day, but force yourself to think about what’s going right for you instead of dwelling on how your relationship failed. And these things can be small. You didn’t kill your houseplant. You made a good pasta dish. You have a great mom. When I’m really down, I force myself to find five small wins every day and I actually write them down. That’s the only way I can make sure I’m really doing it. I find it really helpful, so you might too!
You’ll get through this, girl. Follow these steps and keep on keeping on! Oh, and don’t forget that I’m rooting for you!