As a man and a dating coach, I know men can be confusing to you ladies. I read all your emails, and I know you hate trying to figure out what we’re thinking, or trying to understand why we go cold sometimes. I know that sometimes men can feel like an unsolvable mystery, and there’s nowhere near enough room in this post for me to explain all our quirks (although in my program, “What Men Desire” I reveal exactly how men think and feel) but in this post I want to reveal 3 things men DESPERATELY want women to understand about us…
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I’ll begin…
1. We Are Not All The Same
It drives me nuts when women blame the whole of mankind for what one or two men have done to them. Just because you had a relationship with a guy who cheated on you, doesn’t mean every man you date is going to have an affair.
Just because you had a relationship with a guy who was verbally abusive, doesn’t mean other guys will treat you the same. It’s a terrible experience being with an abusive man, but you have to look at all new relationships as a clean slate. Take all men as you find them. Don’t pre-judge us based on another man’s mistakes. It’s not fair, and it’s one of the quickest ways to push us away.
2. Men Are Afraid As You
Sometimes when I hear women talk about dating and men I wonder if you think we’re from a different planet. You should read some of the emails I get from men about their dating related fears. Men are just as afraid of being hurt. Men are just as afraid you’ll cheat on us. Men are terrified that we won’t be enough for you and you’ll go and find someone else.
Men are vulnerable. We have feelings, and we’re scared of love as you. We may not always show it. I know some guys are funny about sharing their feelings, but most the time if you’re gentle with a man, and communicate with him without pressuring him, he’ll talk openly about his fears with you.
If a man is suddenly cold with you, instead of jumping to the conclusion he must be cheating, or not interested in you anymore, be open to the possibility he might be falling for you, and is scared. It’s not always something bad. We’re not all that much different you know.
3. We Need Affirmation
I’ve said it before, but men can be like big dogs. We need lots of reassurance and affirmation. If we’ve done something you like, or said something that made you feel good, tell us. Men need to know we’re doing things right.
It makes us feel good. When we say or do something special, let us know we’ve made you feel great. When you tell a man he’s made you happy, he’ll want to keep making you happy. We need the acknowledgement you’ve noticed what we’re doing. Men respond much better to carrots than we do to sticks!
There are a bundle of other things we want women to know and understand about us, (if you want to fast track your understanding of men pick up a copy of “What Men Desire”) but the biggest take away from all this, is that in many ways, men and women are the same when it comes to dating. We all want love, we all want that one special someone, and we’re all afraid of being hurt. Remember those things, and you’ll never go far wrong with a man.